Tips for Navigating College

Racing my second marathon, my first trail marathon, 1 week before my Ablation procedure. I was the first woman finisher and third place overall!

Running was my strength. Maybe I couldn’t drive, couldn’t go out alone, couldn’t be independent in the way I always imagined myself being when I got to college, but I could run and run far and long. My sense of self worth leaned heavily on my ability to run.

I started my freshman year of college in the spring of 2022; following a long and painful couple months going to and from my home in Indiana and Mayo Clinic  in Rochester, Minnesota. That fall before college I spent many weeks overnight receiving EEGs that eventually led to a Laser Interstitial Thermal Therapy (LITT) Ablation procedure. Decreasing the frequency of my seizures, the Ablation came at the perfect time and seemed like a blessing going into college. Now don’t forget I run, so starting as a freshman on the track team, jumping in halfway through the year was nerve racking in and of itself; but what clogged my mind even more was having the right half of my head shaved from the procedure. I flipped my long hair from the left side over to the right to hide this eye sore when I went out, but when I ran it was all exposed from tying up my hair to keep it from whipping my face. I was appalled at the thought of letting people see my hair in this state, especially as their first impression of me. I told myself this wasn’t the real me and I knew there was no way I was going to let people see this.

The morning following the Ablation procedure.

Leaving Mayo Clinic following the Ablation procedure. My normal for the next two years with my hair flipped over my shaved head and wearing a hat to cover it up.

For two years, every day at track or cross country practice I wore a hat, used the hair I had left to pin it over the shaved section and into a low ponytail, braided one low braid, or did a wrap around braid that held my existing hair on top of the stubby hair starting to grow back. It was brutal. I hated having to put this much effort into hiding a part of me everyday, but the fear of judgement and humiliation was enough to keep me going.

My sister attempted to braid some long hair in with the short hair, once the shaved hair had grown back a bit, to cover it up and keep my hair out of my face at an indoor track meet.

When I ran, I felt free. I was confident and satisfied with my ability, my speed, and my endurance. I knew I could trust my body to fulfill the distances necessary for training and I had complete confidence that I could rely on my physical fitness and had the mental strength to accomplish the marathon at the needed pace come race day. Racing a marathon is no easy task, but I never doubted my ability to do so, and to succeed in the process. 

Running a 16 mile run in an Indiana blizzard while training for my third marathon, which was my first marathon in college my first semester.

From November 2, 2021 to December 11, 2023, this feeling of freedom and inner strength I got when I ran wasn’t there in the same way it had been. Before the Ablation I would do my hair in two french braids or a high ponytail with multiple braids coming out of it. With a freshly shaved head, every hairstyle I did was low on my neck, with the sole purpose of covering up the bare spot. I knew no one could see my shaved head when my hair was like this, but I still felt insecure and was beginning to lose confidence in my ability as a runner. During these two years, every time I got ready to run, I suppressed a part of me, at the expense of feeling personal internal freedom and strength. 

Before the day I cut all of my hair to match the length of the shaved section that had since grown out to the length

After the day I cut all of my hair to match the length of the shaved section that had since grown out to the length. 

Just last month I graduated with a BA in Psychology, and these two years of my early college career taught me the most valuable lesson I wish I would have taken more seriously then; that is that happiness comes to those who are their true and authentic selves. I tried to cover up my identity as someone with epilepsy and in the process I disrupted the runner identity in me that offered a source of strength and inner peace. Be you, and if the world responds by judging, rejecting, humiliating, mocking and ostracizing, that is their loss and not yours. A friend who cannot accept and support you authentically for who you are; through the good and bad, highs and lows, joys and sorrows; is not a friend and they don’t deserve you.

In a message to what he would tell his freshman self, YAWE Team member Dorian Capers writes, “You don't have to have it all figured out to enjoy the life you have. Live and be free without letting the shackles of certainty hold you down.” Sam Moreno, a YAWE Team member, also highlights the importance of receiving accommodations from the beginning of one's college career. The advice Sam has for her younger self would be to apply for accommodations right from the get go instead of waiting until years later. Joining peer support groups for college students with epilepsy is another resource that Sam wishes she would have taken advantage of during her college career. 

Be yourself, you don’t need to have it figured out, and don’t hesitate to ask for help and find support. This is what we wish for now thinking back on college, so if you can, find a way to put this advice to use. 

Me being me!